Who am I, where am I going

There are a few things that you need to know about me.

You know the story. There's a good chance that you've lived the story. I love to eat. Anything. Everything. Most of what is bad for me. Some of what is good, but really, who is going to choose kale over chips?

I'm that guy - the one who is always making excuses for everything. Who like to think that it's all about his genetics when in reality its his own bad choices.

Yeah. THAT guy.

Don't get me wrong. I'm a nice guy. A good guy. A guy who knows how to lose weight - I'm no stranger to weight loss.

I just also know how to eat.

And back to the fact that I'm pretty sure that I have an eating disorder. A food addiction. Not only do I eat too much food, I'm a hider. A habitual hider. I don't like people to see me eat.

I've gone semi-long periods of time doing well. That is, I've eaten well, exercised, and lost a TON of weight. 132 pounds the first time, 84 the second time. I've gotten down to a pretty healthy weight.

But there's something about my relationship with food that is horrible. Terrible. I hate it. I hate it with the burning passion of a thousand nuclear bombs.

Not food. I love food. Have I mentioned that I love food?

It's my relationship with food that I can't stand. It is very unhealthy. To the point that it is killing me, little by little.

Anyway, I need a space where I can talk about it. A place to see if I can figure out my goals - where I want to be, what I want to eat, and to be able to do it without going vegan or anything asinine like that.

If you're vegan, sorry. It's not asinine for YOU to be vegan. Just for me.

But I want a spot where I can vent my frustrations, and spew forth all of the crap that I'm eating. I have to be honest, if at least only on a public and anonymous journal.

I'm a little desperate. So if anyone ends up reading this and has any ideas, I am game. I'm open.

I am falling apart. Little by little. Time to put up or shut up, I guess.

Silas